The Extroverted Introvert

What is an extroverted introvert? Many of us who seem to waver between craving social connection and having alone time.   There are times when we want to have a person to confide in. Then we talk ourselves out of this and resolve to work things out for ourselves.  We often avoid social interactions even though we always feel so fulfilled once we force ourselves to connect with others.

Personally, while I might vent about things going on that the other person can also relate to, like with a work frustration, when it comes to the more personal issues,  I talk things through when alone. I let tears come when needed.  I don’t usually confide in others, so I’ve never followed up with a doctor.  Instead, I am my own therapist.  I address what I’m feeling and try to take steps towards resolving situations. 

Reaching Out

Sometimes it can feel good to strike more of a balance between relying on yourself and reaching out to others. I had an open conversation with my sister about the help our mother needs.  This showed me that I can seek support rather than trying to resolve everything on my own.  I need to do this open exploration with more people in my life. I will never be completely open about my deeper feelings. Yet I will benefit from trying to have these harder conversations a little more often.

The pandemic has made us question our relationships. It’s shown us that we can be content on our own, yet still long for more human interactions.   I’ve learned that I’m still a fairly healthy balance of both.  I am trying to nourish my relationships, but like many people, I don’t do this consistently and effectively.  It seemed effortless when we were teens and young adults. As we’ve come through the parenting years, it has required a much greater effort.

Social Needs of the Extroverted Introvert

I want to contact my parents and sister more as this would show more caring. I want to be more affectionate with my husband, and more patient and accepting of my children.  Extending connections at work and in the community would broaden my social circle.  I try to reach out to my close friends as much as, if not more than they do.  These friendships especially deplete me when the efforts are not reciprocated. My relationships fill me up when the efforts are mutually felt. Reaching out more often can strengthen these connections.  Making one connection a day is a personal goal.

I realize that I often pass people by with a brief acknowledgment, but without conversing. We smile and exchange pleasantries or a one-liner then keep moving on.   I am an extroverted introvert, but I long to have deeper connections.  My fear is always that they won’t be interested in me, or will only reciprocate to be polite. I have to get past this insecurity that has been with me since my shy childhood days. We can’t control others’ reactions and efforts – only our own.  I need to decide what I value and who I want to devote more effort to.   Ultimately, we will never know until we take that step and reach out.  

Accepting Yourself as an Extroverted Introvert

Over the years, I’ve learned that I can be extroverted amongst the right people who I click with. Yet I am an overall introvert, and I need to stop feeling like this makes me somehow less.   I enjoy time by myself and shouldn’t feel bad because of it.   I have to be true to myself and who I am.  It is okay to accept that you are an introvert. You should not feel badly about not socializing as much as others. Knowing this about yourself makes you a stronger person. I understand this, yet I still want to be MORE connected to others outside of my close friends.

I think many of us remain more isolated than we’d like to be because it has become a habit.  We don’t talk on the phone anymore. We’re always afraid of wasting our time. We lack the intimate knowledge of our friends’ lives that we once had.  While I can accept that I am the way I am, I can still strive to have more balance.  Social interactions of all kinds always feel so good once they have happened, so why do I hesitate?  More active, conscious reaching out in small ways will lead to more balance.  The same is true of all habits/goals – deliberate action HAS to be planned and taken or it will never happen.  This social goal really stood out during this recent strange time of social distancing.  

Take Action to Feel Good

I know from experience that I AM happiest when others reach out to me. Having uplifting and fun conversations, keeps me more connected to the people in my life.  I need to be the initiator more often, as much as I want others to be.  It always pays off.  It always feels good. Even when I think I prefer isolation, I really don’t. But like any habit, it takes work and effort.  I want to overcome lethargy in all areas of life. That way others can react to it and respond in kind. 

I disappoint myself when I do not reach out to friends and family enough. When I do not take the time to get to know co-workers better I feel somehow less. When I don’t speak up at staff meetings during larger group sessions I feel incompetent.  This is an ongoing mistake, and I end up feeling bad about it every time.  I’m trying to accept that I’m an extroverted introvert, and I do make contributions when I’m comfortable.  I have to give myself some grace in that I’m not the only one capable of reaching out. It does work both ways.  However, if I’m the one having issues – I need to be the one to take action.

Emotions of an Introvert

 Some negative emotions I experience are jealousy, stand-offishness, withdrawal from others, laziness, apathy, and self-doubt.  If I don’t want to be on the outside looking in, it’s up to me to reach out to others. It’s up to me to immerse myself more in social situations.  I know that doing so always makes me feel more connected, happy, and content.  Feeling lazy and apathetic creates disappointment in me, but then spurs me to action.  When I accomplish goals I then feel satisfaction and pride.  I want to strive to be that more social and productive person.