Pushing Ourselves to Do Better: How To Strike a Balance

We constantly read about how we need to practice self-care, and not be so hard on ourselves.  While this is of course of the utmost importance, there seems to be a fine line between feeling like we are enough, and giving ourselves that not so gentle push to get our butts in gear and begin to take strides to achieve our goals and become the best versions of ourselves. We need to be pushing ourselves to do better.

Assessing Our Strengths and Weaknesses

I reject my shyness and introverted nature, my weight, and efforts with appearance, my addictions to my phone and junk food, my tendency to procrastinate instead of complete things productively, my laziness, my lack of affection, fixations on order and cleanliness, and my tendency to let things fester instead of communicating openly.  All of these are goals I want to work on so that I can come to love and accept myself more than I currently do.  

You feel disconnected and cut off, lazy and disappointed, or you doubt that you can ever change things. Then, when you take action to do it, you experience the greatest happiness and contentment.  You prove yourself wrong, and it inspires you to keep doing it.  The apathy, fear, and doubt may be strong but you don’t want to feel that way forever.  You want to push past it when you’ve experienced how crippling it can be.  Without feeling this, you may never gain the courage to push past it and strive for more. Craig Jarrod writes, “When you push yourself, you get to know yourself. In the end, we are only competing against ourselves. It is through exertion and pushing yourself that you will come to know your own limits, beliefs, and strengths,” timemanagementninja.com.

Pushing Ourselves To Do Better

I don’t think that my inner critic is harsh.  If anything I need more of a straight shooter to tell it like it is and spur me to action. This will ultimately make me feel better about myself, and lead to more occasions for pride and self-praise.  I justify poor behavior when I should take more responsibility for where I’m at with my goals.  I am not hard enough on myself, and this leads to stagnation, rather than pushing out of a comfort zone.

One prime example is nutrition goals.   I need to recognize that I will not die if I do not have the thing that I am craving, or that I’ve made a habit of consuming, especially when I don’t really want it.  It is very habitual and it has not helped me at all.  It negatively impacts my energy levels, gut health, reflux, weight, sleep, pain issues, and moods.  I can also spend too much time on social media. Scrolling mindlessly and viewing others’ posts often leads to more feelings of inadequacy.  I have so much I want to do in life. Social media is a serious waste of time and can be unhealthy mentally and emotionally.

A Need for More Self-Discipline

While I do believe in the concept of everything in moderation, it’s far from moderation for me.  It’s almost always the least healthy choice.  This is where I need to be harder on myself and focus on pushing myself to do better. I need to recognize what constitutes a special occasion versus what is just a regular day when mostly healthy habits should be followed.  Just because my kids are having treats, I can learn to not say yes every single time, but get it just for them instead.  There are so many split decisions in a day, and instituting a deliberate pause with each one can slow the spiral of negativity and push me towards more conscious choices. 

The other important component to being a better version of myself is actively moving my body every day, spending less time sitting, and more time getting in steps.  I am very active doing house chores and occasionally do a walk outside or a home workout.  My basic needs are not being met because I don’t do this often enough or with any regularity.  I need to make it a priority and treat exercise like a scheduled appointment.  It is easy to get too lethargic and I am sedentary a lot at work too. I need to make sleep/wake time a priority to make sure I get the exercise done first.  Evenings are challenging with other things going on, and driving kids around.

Keeping Our Goals Realistic

When I don’t accomplish all the goals on my list, it might just mean that there are too many goals.  Also when balancing these tasks with all the regular activities in running a household and parenting, sometimes a reluctance to do extra is your body’s way of saying you haven’t had enough “downtime” to do something relaxing or enjoyable for yourself.  It is important to make sure to allocate time for relaxation  (Check out this post on keeping realistic goals: The Promises we Make to Ourselves). However, I am frequently in need of a firmer tone with myself.  There needs to be a balance, and I currently err on the side of being too easy-going.  I constantly make excuses when I should be pushing myself to do better and be better. 

I understand the importance of giving yourself grace, and not beating yourself up when you don’t achieve every single thing that you had set out to do every day.  However, if you are not hitting the majority of your habit goals each day, it’s time to forget about grace and give yourself some much-needed tough love so that you can ultimately be happier and more satisfied with your life because you’ll be working towards your goals one step at a time.  This can never be a negative thing as long as you keep your goals reasonable and do not become overwhelmed.  Saying you don’t have enough time doesn’t count when you’re spending it on the couch scrolling social media or watching TV.  We need to keep an internal balance sheet and always keep our goals first and foremost, allowing for rest and relaxation once we’ve earned it.