Reflections on the Moments that Matter in Life
When we take time to reflect on our life experiences, it is helpful to identify situations that trigger different emotions within us. We can start to notice the things that we value and that make us feel alive. We also become aware of the other moments that we would not wish to relive. It provides us with a blueprint for how we want to spend the rest of our time. It also tells us what changes we need to make to be happier and more fulfilled with our lives. I completed these reflections as part of an exercise in a wellness program that I purchased. It was a heart-warming yet difficult process to embark on. It was also eye-opening to see the clear patterns that emerge when the right questions are asked. Reflecting on the moments that matter in our lives is an invaluable experience.
According to Robert L. Rosen, “Self-reflection entails asking yourself questions about your values, assessing your strengths and failures, thinking about your perceptions and interactions with others, and imagining where you want to take your life in the future” https://addicted2success.com/life/the-power-of-self-reflection-how-it-can-change-your-life/.
Moments that Matter: Start with the Positive
To begin with the positive, I think of the times when I have felt most proud. It made me feel happy and confident when I got high marks in school at all levels and won awards. I was especially proud when I was praised and encouraged for musical accomplishment. This was such a great passion of mine. I lived for my involvement with the music programs in school. To know that I was a valued part of this group was an emotional experience for sure.
High marks and awards validated my strength as an intellectual, high-achieving, hard-working person. I don’t have as many hands-on skills, so earning high marks was important to me. Hard work would lead to success and make my family proud. It would help to create a foundation to build a future family. Musical accomplishments represented an affirmation of my talent. It was the encouragement to strive for excellence and know that hard work pays off. It also instilled a strong sense of connection to a community or tribe.
Realization of a Dream
After five years of university, when all of my hard work paid off, I graduated and became a teacher. This moment was the realization of a dream. That I could take the next step to living independently and have experiences like my trip to Europe, was thrilling. Becoming a teacher fulfilled my dream of having stability. The role also brought fulfillment, having the opportunity to make a difference in the world. It is also a career conducive to family life. In my early career, my work at an Alternative School was a source of great accomplishment for me.
I was young and inexperienced, but I managed to overcome the stresses and difficulties that this educational setting involved. I bonded with these troubled teens, supported them, and built a strong community for them. It wasn’t the start to my career that I would have envisioned. Yet it definitely shaped my future experiences and made me a better teacher and person. This educational environment was a daunting challenge as a new teacher. Having great success there affirmed that I have the emotional strength to do hard things.
Moments that Matter: Life’s Small Pleasures
These are the big milestones. But what about the smaller, everyday pleasures that generate positive feelings? The times when I’ve felt happiest and most content were after fulfilling conversations with friends. Making a connection with someone new was also amazing. I crave social connection even though I avoid it. My introvert/extrovert tendencies conflict, but I always feel best after it happens. I have an innate desire to expand my social circle – to have more friends and to belong to more communities. I feel fulfilled when we enjoy family time doing an activity, and when the whole extended family gets together. Family time, memories, and traditions are most important for me. To instill these in my kids is a high priority.
When I connect with a student or advise a parent, they express gratitude for my support. This makes me feel like I have a purpose, and that I’m making a difference. It is an affirmation that I’m making a difference and have chosen the right pathway. I love teenagers and having a positive impact on them. Spending time near the lake, listening to music, and sitting around a campfire are all magical experiences that fill my soul.
My connection to nature and lakes is especially powerful. Music and driving reflect my desire to travel and be on the open road. Music of all genres is fuel for the heart and soul. It connects to memories, moods, and associations with people, times, and places. Campfires also take me back to magical moments associated with childhood memories. This has become a tradition for my kids as well. Campfires also facilitate connections with friends and act as a vehicle for deeper conversations.
Escaping Everyday Life
There is a similar experience when I discover a great book and become invested in the characters. Great books provide entertainment and leisure, and also values. Learning through stories leads to intellectual fulfillment. Couple get-aways, family vacations, outings, and conversations with my girls – these are the moments that contribute to a happy life. Get-aways allow us to remember how it all began and reconnect with the values that are important to us. They bring us closer together and reinforce the stability of having and raising a family. They provide reminders of the love we share and hope for future adventures. Time with my girls reinforces the wonder of life through youthful eyes. There is joy in providing experiences, and opportunities to connect outside of the hustle and routine of every day. I really get to know the amazing human beings they are becoming.
Moments that Matter: What Makes You Proud of Yourself?
Specific actions taken on my part have helped me to develop strength and confidence. For example, when I have accomplished a lot of tasks in a day. When I have been active and productive. Or, when I’m recognized for leadership at work. I value living every day to the fullest, and a list of accomplishments makes me happy and fulfilled. Recognition and praise for leadership qualities is also an affirmation of my strengths and hard work. Achieving and planning an event and playing an active role in making it a success. I feel confident after I’ve had positive social interactions. I feel like part of the group. I’m also proud when I feel like I’ve helped someone solve a problem.
These interactions cultivate a feeling of belonging and connection to a tribe or community. It feels like I matter, that I’m liked and that my company is enjoyed. Helping others builds confidence in my strengths and abilities, and it provides a sense of purpose. Making a difference in someone’s life brings me fulfillment. Watching my children grow and become kind, passionate, successful little humans is an incredible blessing. It definitely makes me feel like I’ve done something right. Raising successful children is my purpose on this earth to continue the legacy of my family. I will have life-long relationships with people who are loved and whose company I enjoy. There is an enormous sense of accomplishment in having success with the most difficult job of parenting.
When Do you Feel Most in your Element?
The times when I’ve felt most grounded are when I’m around true friends who are kindred spirits. They make me feel good about myself. Also, when I’m with my family and extended family, and hanging out with my kids. These types of friends make me feel good about myself and my positive qualities and accomplishments. Their validation makes me feel a strong sense of connection. It gives me the fuel to be better and do better in other areas of life. We all feel best when we look put together in public situations and I have a flattering outfit on. I love when I have been productive and can savor the accomplished feeling of completing a big project. I thrive when my environment is clean and organized and all chores have been completed. During these times, I am most comfortable in my own skin.
Looking put together allows for confidence and self-love to be felt. The affirmation from others that I look good acknowledges the effort that I put in. It gives me a purpose and energy to accomplish more. Productivity is merely an impetus to start on the next thing. It is the motivation and fire provided to keep going and continue. I can then move on to more goals to be as fulfilled and content as possible. The completion of chores and having an orderly environment lays the foundational habits that allow for higher-level mastery to occur. It also provides a sense of calm that in turn impacts my mood, interactions, and relationships.
Reflections on the Negative: Learning Experiences
Now for the uncomfortable part. It is easy to reflect on the positive aspects of our lives, and what we are doing well. It is far more difficult to face our weaknesses and consider to what extent we can overcome them. In his article The Power of Self-Reflection and How it Can Change Your Life, Garrett Rutledge states, “Self-reflection allows us to come to peace with what we can’t control and be honest with ourselves about what we can. Proper self-reflection leads to self-correction” https://addicted2success.com/life/the-power-of-self-reflection-how-it-can-change-your-life/.
The times when I have felt most embarrassed are when I can’t seem to fit into a social group. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. It makes me realize my strong desire to feel connected and be part of a tribe. To know what to say in social situations is something I long for but can’t seem to achieve. I fear that I’m missing out on what everyone is doing. I am more comfortable with a small group of people and can speak my mind more freely. However, I would like to develop the ability to join new groups. I want to fit in easily and know what to say to be accepted.
I feel weak and incompetent when I don’t speak up in meetings, even though I have valuable contributions to make. The feeling of being frozen is overpowering, and I am anxious about staying silent. I don’t want to be perceived as “shy” and “quiet” – labels from childhood that still sting. It feels better to be looked up to for my contributions and have them affirmed. I can express myself well in small, informal groups of people I feel comfortable with. The formality of large group meetings makes me freeze. I desire to have connections, be more a part of the team, and naturally know how to articulate what I’m thinking. Quiet, and reserved are not character traits that society values. I aspire to overcome this and make a change to my personality.
Moments that Matter: Spurring Us to Make Positive Change
I feel down on myself when I can’t seem to snap out of bad nutrition habits, nor make positive fitness habits stick for long. I want to be healthy as part of accomplishing goals, being a role model, and being more confident in myself. It is important to believe that I can always start over and make things right, by breaking my addictions for a better future. I feel like a failure with no worth who is choosing to be lazy and apathetic, which is not who I want to be. I give myself constant second chances and still see no results. This is not who I want to be. It makes me lack confidence and feel like less of a person. See my post Healthy Eating is Hard if you struggle with this too.
The biggest way that I disappoint myself is by wasting my time on a daily basis on social media. This is yet another sign of an addictive personality. It gets in the way of the productivity and life balance that I value so much. Social media itself is a bad habit creating a fear of missing out and avoiding more active and meaningful goals. I’m frustrated when I want to communicate things but feel frozen and unable to bring myself to do it. Then I see things on social media that lead to the feeling that I should be doing similar things. When I become obsessed with what others are doing on social media feeds, I feel less “cool” and less connected. Even though I’m comfortable being an extroverted introvert, I’d feel happier with myself to have more connections.
What Do You Want to Change About Yourself?
I feel my shortcomings intensely when I can’t do things for myself as I’m not a handy person. Having others point out this flaw even in a teasing or condescending manner hurts me. I wish to be more skilled to be able to independently do more things for myself. I need to accept that it doesn’t come easily to me. It is frustrating because it would lead to greater accomplishments at home, and not having to rely on someone else. My goal is to develop more hands-on skills, even though I’m not naturally inclined towards them.
Another source of disappointment is when I don’t give myself enough time to get ready. I end up feeling rushed and unaccomplished. This is due to not getting an earlier start because of staying up too late. It is the perpetuation of bad foundation habits which I have control over but choose not to change. Then I feel self-conscious for not looking my best. This impacts my social connections, as well as negative moods affecting how I speak to others, especially my family. I also dislike when I continue to overeat junk food even when I know how bad it is for me. The foundation habits of consistent sleep and wake times are the key aspects that I need to change. They affect everything else. These habits will help me to be the person I truly want to be.
Make it Count: Plan for Success
I feel disappointed in my inability to stick to a goal and accomplish it. This one habit also impacts everything from how I feel physically and emotionally, to how I interact with others. I feel hopeless that I can’t make this change and have a second chance. I feel disgusted when I am lethargic on the couch, and “stuck” on social media. All I want is to be energetic and productive. My apathy towards doing what is “hard” is for no good reason. I want to change my approach to planning my day, to ensure that I can be productive yet relaxed. This article offers more advice on achieving this balance: Pushing Ourselves to Do Better: How To Strike a Balance
Part of self-acceptance and love is being able to reflect back on your life. It is important to cherish the positive memories that make you proud of yourself. This can bring you immense joy and inspire you to relive some of these experiences. You can find ways to bring them to the forefront in your life. Similarly, acknowledging the moments that make you feel regret and disappointment, should be considered learning experiences. These should become the traits and habits that you are actively working to change in your present. They will bring you closer to the person you want to be and the life you want to lead.
