Three Things to do Now to Improve Your Relationships

It is important to take steps to improve your relationships, before lasting damage is created. It is easy to get caught up in the daily grind and frustrations of running a house and a family. We only focus on what is not going well, and point out the inadequacies of others.   This could be discontent with our partner’s progress with a task or the way that they choose to approach something.   Or with our children, as we continually nag them about what they need to do and get done.   As moms we feel the need to coordinate, so we have a timeline of when things need to get done. This doesn’t always translate to action on their parts, as they don’t always have the same timeline.  

We may feel like we are providing this feedback as guidance, so they have a plan to follow. We think we’re doing them a favor. But we can’t let this tone dominate our daily interactions with our loved ones.  We must take time to praise what they’ve done, or to ask them to do something fun with us. The focus cannot be strictly on productivity . This is easy when kids are younger, but as they grow up, it becomes more challenging. We must fit in the time between their jobs, schoolwork, activities, and social lives.  How can we make this shift?  Still get things done, but not make it the whole focus? This pressure we put on ourselves can take a toll on our interactions with family members.  

1. Set a Plan for the Day and Week

This step is important so that there is a visual plan on the calendar. They will know when they need to study, or do household chores alongside their regular commitments.  For your partner, it may be what you intend to get done with the home or errands on which days.  It is necessary to plan these things for the upcoming week, or the reality is that they may not happen. 

When the plan is set, there is less need for nagging, because you can point it out on the calendar. Then they know that it is happening.  You can see where the gaps are, and when there might be opportunities for fun. You can plan for a hot tub, play a game, go on a walk, or watch a movie.  The key is to make sure your days and weeks look balanced. You must make time for these fun activities, rather than just mundane tasks and chores. 

2. Bite your Tongue to Improve Your Relationships

Sometimes it is necessary for you to step up and be more assertive  to make sure things get done. You know the master schedule and when the best time is.  But stop and ask yourself if these things MUST get done in this timeline. Maybe your family member has a different plan for how it will play out.  Try to stop yourself from criticizing and further questioning it.  Not everything has to be done “your way” and they may have their own plan in mind. It may work equally well, just because it’s not how you would have planned it. The important thing is that you discuss it, and acknowledge that the task or issue does need to be addressed.  Beyond that, be more open to input from your family. It will go a long way to improve your relationships.

3. Make all Opinions Count

These planning conversations might take place at the dinner table. Or, at a regular family meeting where you go over the calendar together for the upcoming week.   Doing it together is ideal, even if you can only set aside 15 minutes for this planning.  This way, there will not be conflicts that arise throughout the week, and then further arguing about what should happen.  Everyone will be clear on the plan. They will not be surprised when you remind them that something needs to be done.  Leave room for flexibility, but put all the important chores, appointments, and errands on the calendar. Put it where everyone can see, ideally in a central location on your fridge. See the related post, How To Give Up Control to Nurture Relationships for further communication tips.

You can still micro-manage from the sidelines. Yet do it in a way that includes everyone in your plan. There will be less need for nagging. The use of a more positive tone will make you feel better about your interactions. It will also go a long way to making your partner and kids respect you more. You won’t be making them feel inadequate about themselves for not living up to your expectations.  Watching how you phrase your requests is the most important thing of all. Avoid nagging, scolding, scoffing at, or otherwise disrespecting them.  All humans want to be loved, accepted and treated with dignity.  Improving your tone can make a huge difference, as moms do tend to set the mood for the entire household.  You have to make a conscious effort to use this power for positive, rather than control. This is how you will improve your relationships.