Cell Phones: The Parenting Battle
Why do we need to be concerned about our kids’ cell phone use?
It’s a common worry in most households with teenagers. How much cell phone time is too much? At what point does it become a weapon, rather than an innocent social tool? The overuse of these devices has led to addiction and deeper problems like depression and anxiety. Our kids’ mental health has never seemed more fragile. Some would argue that devices are not to blame, but the lack of limits placed on them by responsible parents.
Signs of addictive and compulsive behavior
Cell phone use can be considered a disorder when obsessive use affects everyday functioning. Once triggered it can be as difficult to stop as any addiction. Addiction includes compulsive use of the device that interferes with eating, sleep, schoolwork, job success, and positive social interactions.
The overuse of cell phones can lead to the development of anxiety and depression. Teens are not just talking to friends, but using social media platforms to criticize or admire them. They do this by commenting on their posts and activities. They are compelled to check the phone to see what the responses to their own posts are like. An increase in anxiety, depression, and suicide coincides with the time that most teens acquired a cell phone. Mental health professionals are aware of this correlation. Although it may not be the only cause, it is certainly a significant factor.
The biological component is seen when the brain reacts to the cell phone as if it were a drug. Studies have shown that the phone ringing and notifications pinging cause the brain to release dopamine. This makes the teen check their phone again and again. They want to take the phone everywhere with them. They panic at the prospect of low battery life or no access to electrical power.
A recent poll reveals that 50 percent of teens believe they are addicted to their cell phones. More than a third of teens try to cut down on the time they spend on their devices. Most fail to change despite their efforts. The symptoms of teen cell phone addiction are contradictory. The teen can’t imagine being without the phone, but they also feel it’s a burden. Grades at school can drop and participation in extracurricular activities can diminish. Did you know that over 60% of teens say smartphone use has had a negative impact on their schoolwork?
Teen smartphone addiction leads to other negative health consequences, including the following:
- “Text neck”—chronic strain from looking down at a cell phone
- Eye strain and blurred vision as a result of focusing on a small screen
- Decreased neural connectivity, leading to poor emotional regulation
- Poor dietary habits, as junk food is consumed to a greater extent
- Phantom vibrations of a non-existent cell phone going off.
- Insomnia and negative shifts in sleeping patterns
- Increased anxiety and misplaced worry connected with the cell phone
- Physical isolation from friends and family. Such isolation leads to mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety
- Increased aggression in connection to control of the cell phone.
Bullying and Fear of Missing Out
An additional concern is that with all that online addiction comes more bullying, which is only fueling kids’ anxiety. A recent study among a large sample of teens found that 59% reported moderate exposure to bullying. 14% reported chronically high exposure to bullying, both in-person and online. Hiding behind a screen makes it easier for a bully to attack their victim. This leads to even more incidents than might have occurred in person only.
Teens have more stress when they are constantly worrying about whether they fit into their peer group. Online interactions can be difficult to read, and intentions are not always clearly conveyed. Teens worry when someone they perceive as a close friend posts a photo and doesn’t tag them in it. This excludes them from something that has happened. As they are scrolling their social media feeds, they may see photos of social events that they weren’t invited to. Maybe friends who they would have expected to include them are posing without them.
This can lead to “FOMO” (Fear of Missing Out). This is a condition when we feel that we should be doing more with our friends. These feelings of exclusion can cause a teen’s self-esteem to plunge, leading to depression and suicide. The constant connection to social media means they are continually notified and aware of what they are missing out on. With previous generations, teens may have still felt left out, but it wasn’t as directly shoved in their faces.
Impossible Standards
Another source of stress is teens’ constant comparisons to images that they see on social media. When friends or celebrities that they follow post photos using filters, teens begin to “see” these images as reality. Teens start to track the ways that they don’t measure up to these unrealistic ideals. They become critical of their bodies, their faces, and their clothing. They may aspire to try expensive treatments, or fad diets, leading to negative body image and eating disorders. Teens are so susceptible to doubting themselves about how they should speak, act, and dress. The amount of time that they spend scrolling plays into this doubt. They see images of how they should present themselves, interact with their peers, and spend their time. Teens begin to internalize these images over time. This means that they are losing their sense of self, and their confidence.
What can parents do to counteract these negative consequences?
- Cell phone providers offer inexpensive, password-activated programs. These programs shut off cell phones at night. This is critical for teens to get proper rest so they can function optimally. It allows them to deal more effectively with everyday stresses.
- Tech timeouts for the family in the evening and on the weekends can help. Also, no cell phones at the dinner table or when eating any meal is effective.
- Create a cell phone moratorium one day a week, or even one afternoon or evening per week.
- Ensure that the cell phone is not in the teen’s bedroom at night. There should be a central place where phones are brought to charge at bedtime.
When a teen loses their cell phone privileges, they often feel and act like it’s the end of the world. Such dramatic responses pass more quickly than you would expect in the majority of cases. It is important to take cell phones away as a consequence of something that they failed to do. This consequence will help instill a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility in them. Teens often appreciate this tech break deep down. Yet they lack the strength and discipline to give themselves these breaks at this stage of their development. They have difficulty making the best choices without the support of a loving parent to set reasonable limits.
The Most Important Job
As parents, we are responsible for this crisis. We let our kids take their devices to bed. Parents pay for the data packages and buy the games or top up their accounts. We basically hand them an addictive drug and expect them to just know how to self-regulate. It is a cop-out to blame society and accept that this is just a normal part of a teenager’s life.
Instead, we need to create and set the parameters that we expect them to follow. We need to have open discussions in establishing these rules as soon as we allow them to have a device. It is tragic that our children are wasting so much time waiting for the next Instagram message or Facebook like to appear. We could wallow in disappointment that our child is not reading great books, learning new skills, or building anything creative. Or, we could take action to give them back their lives.
Our job isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to prepare children for life. That means telling them “No” when really, deep down, that’s what they want to hear anyway. Active parenting takes effort. It means we need to make what they are doing on their phones our business. We need to stop what we are doing to check on them more often. It is unhealthy to let them spend hours alone in their rooms. We may get into more conflicts, as we have to be the “bad cop” when other parents allow free rein. That’s a smaller price to pay than the possible alternative. Good parenting does take time and effort. Spend your time letting them pursue activities. Give them meaningful responsibilities within the family. Offer other diversions from phone scrolling, so that they can grow into happier and more successful adults.
