Supporting Your Child with ADHD: A Parent’s Survival Guide

It is the most frustrating thing for a parent.  Your child is highly capable of achieving great things in life. Yet due to their diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, they can’t seem to keep on top of their organization. This could be within their bedrooms, school work, and commitments.   How can we help support them?  It is important to find the right balance between encouraging them in a supportive way and being “on them.” We need them to finish what they need to do to experience success. Supporting your child with ADHD involves a patient and kind approach. Parents can help them try different strategies to manage their tasks at home and at school.

Defining ADHD

“In 1994, doctors decided all forms of attention-deficit disorder would be called “attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder,” or ADHD, even if the person wasn’t hyperactive. Now it’s called ADHD, inattentive type, or ADHD, hyperactive/impulsive type, or ADHD, combined type. ADHD is a brain-based disorder. It can interfere with your child’s everyday activities at home and at school. Kids who have it have trouble paying attention and controlling their behavior, and are sometimes hyperactive” (https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/add-vs-adhd).

How is the ADHD brain different from the regular brain?

One study found that kids with ADHD don’t have the same brain connections as those without. An ADHD brain may have different connections between the frontal cortex and the visual processing area. This means that people with ADHD might process things differently than people without the condition” (https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/adhd-vs-nonadhd-brain.”

Supporting Your Child with ADHD: Understand What is Going on In Their Mind

Never experiencing the overwhelming nature of ADHD, we are quick to assume that our child just needs to try harder.  What they live each day is a constant battle. They need to stay on top of all the tasks competing for their attention.  Being on time, remembering where they put something important, and completing a task in a timely manner are continual struggles. 

Small noises and other distractions in the environment can stand out. This becomes all they can focus on, whereas a neurotypical person can easily work while tuning these things out.  Before they know it, the time is up and they have not been able to complete quality work.  Many students with ADHD feel like they are always letting people down, including their parents, teachers, coaches, supervisors, and friends.  They have a strong desire to please and are often quite capable. This creates intense frustration when they can’t get it together to complete their daily tasks.  

Often, the intrusive thoughts of what they have failed to do bounce around in their minds. This makes them stop one activity, like studying, so that they can start something else, like cleaning their room. Then they become focused on the new task.  This makes it difficult to pick up their train of thought when they return to the previous task. It often leads to many things being started with the best of intentions, but not completed.  Supporting your child with ADHD could look like helping them with strategies like using timers and alarms. Also, visual reminders can help them cross off tasks and get them back on track when their focus wanders.

The Voices of ADHD:  Youth Perspective

One blogger, Silcaro, writes about their typical struggles.  “The laptop was right in front of me, and the Word document was open. But I could not do anything except stare at the blank white page in front of me. It was a week before the deadline for a standard English Literature class analysis essay. I could hear myself internally screaming “Do it! What is stopping you from just typing out what you know? You already have this whole essay in your head, why can’t you just write?” 

These questions were a very common echo in my head. No simple answer would ever come.  I would set aside the time to do it and nothing would ever be achieved. My free time was taken up by thinking about and planning assignments in my head. I knew the material ten times over. Yet until the clock was ticking and an impossible deadline appeared, I was unable to do anything about it”  ((https://www.voicesofyouth.org/blog/my-experience-adhd).  

People with ADHD are more susceptible to anxiety and depression which can lead to further struggles. It is not rare for an individual to go undiagnosed. They may visibly behave well during class and keep decent grades. These individuals eventually begin to struggle as they meet challenges that require long-term concentration and dedication.  See the related post How to Parent Through Anxiety and Depression for further support with these challenging conditions.     

Supporting Your Child with ADHD:  Do’s and Don’ts

Parents must accept the fact that children with ADHD have functionally different brains from those of other children. Children with ADHD can still learn what is acceptable and what isn’t. Yet their disorder does make them more prone to impulsive behavior.  Medication may be the first step in your child’s treatment.  Managing a child’s ADHD symptoms can limit destructive behavior and help your child overcome self-doubt. It’s important to remember that children with ADHD may not adapt to change as well as others. You must learn to allow your child to make mistakes as they learn. (https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/parenting-tips#what-not-to-do).

It’s important to remember that medication can take time to start working.  Often it is necessary to experiment with the dose or the type of medication. This will depend on your child’s success with it and any side effects they may experience.   It is important to be open to trying different medications. It can make a big difference to help them focus and manage the demands of their day. This is especially important as they get into their teenage years with increased expectations.  Supporting your child with ADHD involves being open and accepting to trying medication. Even when you are skeptical about the need for it. You wouldn’t deny your child medication for a physical ailment. This is how we need to view this disorder as well.

Ways that Parents Can Support Their Child with ADHD

• Create structure
• Break tasks into manageable chunks
• Simplify and organize your child’s life
• Limit distractions 
• Regulate sleep patterns
• Encourage out-loud thinking 
• Believe in your child
• Be open to counseling and medication

Reactions to Avoid When Dealing with ADHD

• Don’t sweat the small stuff -choose which battles are worth fighting
• Don’t get overwhelmed
• Don’t be negative – use positive wording when dealing with what they need to do
• Don’t be punitive towards their shortcomings – be supportive
• They shouldn’t feel like they are “in trouble.” They should be able to come to you for help getting through a task or situation. You can help them figure out a plan to get it done.

Managing ADHD is difficult for both parents and children. The most important thing is to respect their unique needs and create structure in the home and at school accordingly. They may not express their appreciation for your support, but they do want and need it. Focus on their strengths, and help them manage their weaknesses. Show them different apps that might help them organize their various tasks. Sit down with a big assignment and help them “chunk” it into manageable parts. Then help them determine due dates for each part. Use a large calendar with big squares so they can see a big-picture view of their week. The structure is what they crave and need, along with your patient, loving attitude.