How to Parent Through Anxiety and Depression
Why do so many kids today struggle with depression and anxiety? Maybe it is a sign of our times, and the repercussions of social media. The isolation of the covid pandemic has certainly amplified it. Is it worse than it used to be when we were kids? Or is it just being given a label now that validates it? More importantly, how can we effectively parent through anxiety and depression?
When my daughter first approached me with her struggles in these areas, I immediately felt like there must be something wrong with me or our parenting. How could this happen when we’ve done everything right? She was always so happy and carefree. The first thing to know is that it’s not your fault as a parent. Our kids are reacting to the pressures in their environment, and these disorders have become commonplace in our modern society.
What Are the Signs to Watch For to Parent Through Anxiety and Depression?
If your child seems to have low energy, be constantly tired, has difficulty sleeping, or is sleeping too much, it may indicate depression or anxiety. If they show a loss of interest in activities and avoid social contact, or feel helpless and tense this could be another sign. They may have difficulty concentrating and paying attention. It is important to watch for significant weight loss or weight gain. In anxiety, physical symptoms like hyperventilation, gastrointestinal problems, sweating, and a fast heart rate are present. If your teen engages in self-harm or self-destructive behavior like alcoholism or admits to having suicidal thoughts, you need to take their comments seriously.
Encourage Your Teens to Believe They Can Get Better
Often, our own reactions to mental health issues and how they develop play a key role in how our teens handle their struggle with anxiety. Lynn Lyons, an Anxiety Specialist states, “One of the most important aspects of healing and recovering, be it from an injury, depression or a broken heart, is the belief that change is possible. Researchers call this “positive expectancy,” and when we look at the success of therapy, it figures prominently” (https://www.lynnlyons.com/teen-depression-anxiety/).
She believes that if we give teens the message that “this is who they are,” that their brains are imbalanced, and that depression is a disease that “just shows up,” our attempts to help are possibly doing the exact opposite. They need to be reassured that change is possible. That they won’t always feel hopeless but can work through these feelings. We need to help them believe in this growth mindset to effectively parent through anxiety and depression.
Fear of Failure and Negative Thought Patterns
Most anxious teens have a fear of the future. They get stuck in rigid thought patterns and have difficulty being realistic. They might believe that everything must be done perfectly or not done at all. If one thing goes wrong, everything will fall apart and they won’t be successful in life. They have a hard time being open to other possibilities, as they might feel like their life and future path are set in stone. They are terrified of messing up, or not measuring up.
You can support your teen by the way that you model your reaction to mistakes, failure, and uncertainty. This will impact how they see the world. Is it acceptable to fail in your household? When is it ok to move on to the next task, and stop obsessing over something? Teens also fear the unknown and what their future will look like. They may worry about larger issues, like a family member being in an accident, or getting sick and dying. They worry about the future of our planet, and our race, not just their own role in it.
What Causes Anxiety and Depression?
Some of the causes are biological, such as brain chemistry. Low levels of serotonin are linked to depression while an imbalance of cortisol is responsible for anxiety. Hormonal changes like an imbalance in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone may also trigger symptoms of depression and anxiety. Genetic factors can also play a role if there is a family history of mental illness.
Environmental factors include traumatic events from childhood such as physical or emotional abuse, loss of a parent, divorce, or bullying. These events may cause changes in the brain that make a person more susceptible to depression or anxiety. Constant exposure to stressful situations like a toxic work environment, or struggling with a learning disability in school can also play a role.
Substance abuse is a significant cause. Nearly 30% of people with substance misuse problems also have clinical depression. Drugs and alcohol will ultimately aggravate depression and anxiety symptoms in teens even if they feel better temporarily (https://mentalhealthspace.org/anxiety-and-depression-in-teenagers/).
How Can Parents Help?
It can be difficult for a parent or caregiver to tell the difference between behavior that is a normal part of growing up and behavior that may indicate a mental health condition. If behavioral changes last for weeks or months, and if they interfere with a teenager’s daily life, they may be symptoms of depression, anxiety, or both. The most important thing when it comes to parenting through anxiety and depression is to take your child seriously and not dismiss their concerns. If they are reaching out for help, support them by connecting them with a counselor and helping them figure out the steps to take.
Find out the process of getting support through a school social worker or guidance counselor. Look into counseling services in the community. Make an appointment with your family doctor to discuss possible treatment options. A health care professional will treat a teenager’s depression or anxiety based on the severity of the condition. They may suggest talk therapy, medication, or both. A combination of the two is usually the most effective treatment. An antidepressant can help correct the chemical imbalance in the teenager’s brain. Talk therapy may help fight their negative thought patterns.
Important Considerations for Parents to Support
According to Dr. Caitlin Geng, other things that you can encourage as a parent, aside from medication and counseling, include exercising and staying active, even if just a short daily walk. Getting outside in nature and fresh air can do wonders for mood and motivation. Encourage them to spend time with their friends and family, although they may resist and want to be alone. Put routines in place that make it easy for them to maintain a regular sleep schedule, like cell phone restrictions.
Always have healthy options on hand to encourage them to eat a balanced diet. When it comes to schoolwork or even household chores, help them break tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks that they can accomplish step by step. Remind them that it’s okay to ask for help. Speaking with a support group may also help them to normalize their experience (https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/teen-anxiety-and-depression).
To Parent Through Anxiety and Depression is Hard: Don’t Blame Yourself
It is important to focus on what your child is sharing and not become defensive, as I did at first. We shouldn’t dismiss their concerns as something they will get over or something that everyone goes through. All teens do feel anxious frequently but it differs in severity. For some, it can feel more like a panic attack and show up as genuine physical symptoms. It can interfere with some of their daily functioning. They know when it doesn’t feel right, and are strong enough to confide in us and ask for help, so we must respond seriously. To parent through anxiety and depression, we need to let go of our own insecurities in order to help them.
They are not blaming us, and we have to realize that there are other forces at play, even if they have had a happy childhood and unconditional love from a supportive family. Instead, we need to help them take action steps and convince them that they can feel better. Please visit my post, Positive Strategies for Supporting Your Teen’s Mental Health, for more ideas to respond as a caring parent.
